If you are reading this, we feel your pain sister.
First of all, our condolences. Hope it was worth it!
No seriously, we don’t judge. Indeed, we are truly sorry for your loss and obvi we have all experienced the sad effects of slaying way too much booze. A hangover can range from a mildly crappy feeling to a majorly five-alarm gruesome situation, and its causes vary. There’s the withdrawal you’re feeling from the toxic effects of acetaldehyde, the substance created when alcohol is metabolized, and it’s generally agreed on both by the scientific community and the community that is everyone else that a hangover basically starts when your blood alcohol level has tapered off to zero. Boo, party’s over kids.
Or maybe you’ve succumbed to the classic killer of all good vibes: dehydration. Ironically (not really), excessive drinking leads to a lot of extra urination, which can leave you feeling achy, tired, and just kind of all-around shitty. You might be shaky from low blood sugar, or just totally nauseous because your stomach is inflamed and irritated. Why, there are so many different symptoms you might have, and/or all of the above!
So. Are you ready to start living again or what?
Act like a child
An adult beverage (or 10) may have gotten you into this mess, but take a page out of the Sick Kid Playbook and do as the children do when they’re feeling not-so-100. Before you reach for trusty old Gatorade and Smart Water, know that Pedialyte, even though it’s made for a baby, is strong enough for an adult. It generally has less calories and sugar than most sports drinks, and more of the sweet, sweet electrolytes that your body is jonesin for. Drink it like you mean it, just like you did last night.
Eat something, you’ll feel better
Unless you got REALLY HUNGRY and binged on tacos before bed, you probably have low blood sugar and need to, well, we believe the scientific term is “soak up the alcohol.” If you feel like you can go for a sloppy and most dope breakfast burrito, by all means, fck it up. But if you feel kind of vomitous, choking down some simple, innocuous and gut-warming chicken soup or vegetable broth will go far to aid in your recovery. Even better, drink a nutritionally-dense smoothie or green juice with an added ginger shot (settles the stomach) to replenish vitamins and help you feel less green-ish.
Take a hike
We are not suggesting you have a full-on hike the trail up Mt. Wilson moment. But a gentle walk at a leisurely pace—we’re talking real light cardio here, no need to strain yourself in this delicate condition!—will get your blood pumping and provide the much-needed endorphin boost that will significantly alleviate the height of your pain scale. Some basic yoga, if you dare, will also help stretch out achy limbs.
Pamper yourself in the bathroom
If you’re already hugging your toilet, this part will be so convenient! Let’s face it, you’ve looked better. If you are up for jade rolling your face (and honestly, that would really help with that busted bloated look), then go for it. But at the bare minimum, the MINIMUM, treat yourself to a long hot shower. You will seriously feel so much better. Bonus points for washing your hair, but we can understand that could be too strenuous.
The last resort
If you’re a procrastinator, yes, the hair of the dog technique kind of works. But! That is one semi-professional move that, while tempting, only serves to delay the inevitable. See above steps and… see you next time. Because there will be a next time. Again, we don’t judge. (inserts shrug emoji)