I’ve always been a pretty direct person.

If we’re friends, you’ll always know if your fly is down or if there’s kale in your teeth post-brunch. With that said, I’m basically an expert at the art of the redirect— whether it’s turning around an awkward situation or avoiding talking about a sore subject, I have a few ideas for your next I-need-a-get-out-of-jail-free-card moment. 

• When you run into an acquaintance and don’t have the mental capacity to tell another soul how your past year was:
  How are you? - Look at that cute dog across the street! How are you?
• When your boss asks about that overdue project:
  Almost there! How’s that bathroom renovation going? (when you fully know how it’s going…. Because everyone at work knows.) 
• When your professor asks if anyone has questions at the end of class and everyone pitches in to come up with a question in the hopes that prof forgets to collect the assignment.
• When your maybe-a-little-slightly-too-pushy aunt keeps asking you about your lack of relationship status:
  You have some spinach in your teeth, aunty.
• When your new flame asks if you still have feelings for your ex:
  Your hair is all blown around from the wind, here, lemme fix it.